I have never lived in Delhi but every time I pass it on the way to my mother’s town, my skin crawls and not just because of the rape lore that thickens its air. After having lived in the South for the last 18 years, I cannot handle the brazen disrespect in Delhi’s gaze towards women. Am I imagining things? The statistics say otherwise. The moment you enter this city, you feel vulnerable. Having grown up in a Northern town, I know the drill when you are in a crowded place and a few pair of eyes are brazenly scanning you from head to toe. You do not make eye contact, you do not make movements that catch anyone’s attention, you do not laugh, you do not look scattered or lost, you walk and pray that no one will say anything or make unwanted contact. I grew up with this code and yet have nightmarish tales of quasi molestation to narrate so I know for a fact that nothing that you do or not invites a potential molester. They will do it anyway but you learn to make it tough for them and you grow up with the awareness that you are a hunted sex and you must do everything in your power to protect yourself because no one else is going to do it for you.
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All this and more comes back when I pass through Delhi and my last visit a few years ago saw me landing at the airport at 11:30 pm..I was adamant that at this hour, I would not leave the confines of the airport and so I found a large, extended Gujarati family waiting for their next flight and sat next to them, making sure no one saw me alone. In the morning, I took an auto (no taxis and no private buses, another rule I follow in Delhi) to reach the bus station where a young man instantly offered me a ride till Chandigarh in a Maruti van. I shuddered and made my way to a government run bus. It was not till I reached Chandigarh that I breathed a sigh of relief. No, it is not easy being a woman in India and you never really know a fail-proof formula to ensure personal safety on any given day. In small towns, girls and boys may be beaten for holding hands but no one comes and helps a woman who is being beaten, stripped, molested or raped.
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Every nation has a culture of thought that defines its national character. What is ours? What is our first thought when we see a woman? Or a woman in distress? What is it about our national character or the lack of it that drives men in cars to stalk roads for preys, that makes eve-teasing rampant in buses, the mass molestation in Guwahati possible or the mass brutality towards a Bangalore playwright possible in congruence with a policeman who was supposed to step in and protect her, that allows and condones honour killings because love is a bad word but protects rapists because rape isn’t, that tells women how they should dress, talk, behave, conduct themselves, whether they should drink or not, have a male friend or not, go out in the night or not, have mobile phones or not, have education or not, have a right over their body, their thoughts or not but does nothing when a private bus allows the brutal rape of a young girl ?
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Why does India think that women are accountable for what happens to them but men are not? What is the root of this sickness? What explains this absolute fearlessness that makes rape an everyday occurrence, in public places, in homes, cars, buses? Why is there such absence of fear of law and social censor in happy-go-lucky rapists and such an overflow of it in the victims who know no matter what is done to them, the crime will be traced back to them somehow? As if they caused it?
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There is no shame in committing a gender crime in India or watching it unfold but yes, there is in being a victim and maybe it is because our culture offers or allows the victim no dignity, no respect, no support and maybe it is because women in our culture are largely looked upon as usable or disposable commodities and maybe that is because in our culture, a man is allowed to think, he is a superior gender and has more privileges not just within his family but in public spaces, in work spaces, in courtrooms, on a street, in a bar and maybe that is because our law makers do nothing to change this perception and our politicians endorse it by blaming the victim everytime a crime is committed and maybe that is because they know that they are saying what the majority of Indians think. That rape is an avoidable event and happens because somehow the woman asks for it by her conduct, her choice of words, place, time, clothes.
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If there is one thing, our culture however cannot stand is a woman with an opinion, a voice, and what is loosely described as “attitude,” An overwhelming number of crimes occur in India because women say ‘No,’ or refuse to entertain advances or fight back. In a sickeningly patriarchal society, it is not a crime to beat up a wife, it is a domestic matter. Rape is normal because men will be men. A woman hacked in broad day light, in full public view is however discussed in newspaper reports for her personal life and whether the murderer was a jilted lover whom she had dumped for a better prospect. It is never about whether men should not murder or rape or molest just because let us please face it, they can.
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And that is the root, isn’t it? Men rape because they can. And because the society, many sections of the media, the law makers, our politicians make it easier and acceptable for them to rape and to get away with it. To start with, the projection of rape as an easy sport in television crime shows must stop. The helplessness of victims must not be used to feed TRPs in stories about crimes against women. Our families must teach kids that they have equal rights and one gender is not more accountable than the other. Our cinema must stop equating women with sex objects. Cops should be counselled and made gender sensitive before they are allowed any where near the scene of a gender crime. Any politician, political party, social outfit that speaks in a derogatory, insensitive manner about rape and gender violence should be slapped with criminal charges, stringent laws should be made and enforced against eve-teasers and a rapist must be speedily made an example of and be shamed by the law and media. Yes, the media, that sometimes gets so busy trying to piece together the life story of a victim that it forgets the rapist altogether.
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Our schools, our colleges and workspaces should have gender sensitising workshops..the idea of gender as identity, as label, as a license to commit crime or to accept crime must be systematically destroyed. There should be drills in buses and crime infested areas for people who do not know what to do or do not care when a crime is committed. And finally all of us must be made accountable for a crime that happens before us. Silence is as despicable as gender violence.
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Our culture of thought as a nation may not be about a thought at all, but a brush against a woman’s body in a train, a song laced with sexual innuendo sung near a workstation or in a bus, a pinch, a nudge, a wink, rapes in moving vehicles and the ultimate denial of how sick we are with a ,‘hota hai, it happens” shrug.
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Sure it does. And it is excusable till the beast looks our way while everyone else looks away.
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Reema Moudgil has been writing on art, theatre, cinema, music, gender issues, architecture and more in leading newspapers and magazines since 1994. Her first novel Perfect Eight ((http://www.flipkart.com/perfect-eight-9380032870/p/itmdf87fpkhszfkb?pid=9789380032870&_l=A0vO9n9FWsBsMJKAKw47rw–&_r=dyRavyz2qKxOF7Yuc )won her an award from the Public Relations Council of India in association with Bangalore University. She also edited Chicken Soup for Indian Woman’s Soul and runs unboxedwriters.com. She writes art catalogues and has scripted a commissioned documentary or two. She has exhibited her paintings in Bangalore and New York, taught media studies to post graduates and hosts a daily ghazal show Andaz-e-Bayan on Radio Falak.
If you ask me, each and every girl or woman who moves out daily, has infinite number of stories of such harassment to narrate. whether it was pulling at your duppatta as you cycled your way to college, or hitting your bicycle from behind, women have faced it since ages, only the methods have changed. As i always believe, workshops, counselling sessions, special courses need to be devised for boys, in particular, to sensitize them about the whole issue, but ironically, all energies are directed towards sensitizing the women. We need to change our perspective. And of course very stringent action against the culprits is the universal voice.
I think all rapist should be castrated. So that the few minutes of pleasure they ruined someone’s life for, they can never have again. And I definitely agree with you when you say that all these politicians and political parties who make gender insensitive and derogatory comments should be slapped with criminal charges.
Reema your article on the Culture of Rape in India particularly as you put it is horrifying. And you name Delhi as the city in particular where rape is an ideal ground when no protection really given to the woman if she does become a victim there is not much respect for her as a victim. It is so hard to believe for me who is not an Indian because watching the films or TV one would think the Indian woman at least in cities can take care of herself. But of course,
a woman should know that she must
not make herself vulnerable. But if this girl travelling on a bus can fall victim to not only one rapist but several then how can you blame the
girl for not taking enough care of herself. You have really given the reader food for thought by painting this picture of a society where a woman can be molested and nobody shout in protest and this is what is very disturbing. When I read in the TOI that this gang rape had occurred
my first thought was how can anyone think of raping on a moving bus and no one would try and protect the girl. But it is the driver who had arranged with his brother to go ahead with his friends to have all the fun they wanted.. I have a feeling they could have killed her after the act which is usually the case. But it is hard to believe
this kind of thing happening as you have argued. Why doesn’t anybody care? It makes me really unhappy about it and I am really sad after having read your well argued article. You are a social thinker Reema showing concern over such
disturbing acts to be happening in a civilized society. And we should be grateful to you.
Bravo!
Reema, does it occur to you that Indian men have low self esteem ? By and large, it’s a man’s world anywhere on the globe, but inflicting abuse via a demnstration of power or via sexual gratification, is a key sign that these men see themselves pretty poorly in their own eyes. It’s a sickness and deterrents can only go that far to prevent more such occurances. Indian men need to be able to respect themselves first before they can extend it towards their women. I do not know if my opinion is relevant or even remotely comprehensive, but I do think that someone who must see himself as a loser would be drawn into a gang rape of a defenceless woman.
the entire social environment in India is changing and sorry to say but though Bombay, where I reside, was regarded to be the safest for women in India, things are changing rapidly. It is extremely disheartening to see the law deteriorating to such a large extent that the safety of each is unto themselves – The law cannot guarantee anything. We need extreme steps, a judicial system which is not made a mockery of, capital punishment and harshest of laws to tackle such issues. Our cops are happy to do moral policing against innocent individuals and yet rapists and eve teasers are free to roam the streets – This is not the India I should be proud of nor the India I want my children to inherit. Why are we so complacent – it is because we are too individualistic – we presume it is someone else who has suffered why should I bother forgetting that some day it could be me or someone close to me who could suffer. The laws too are favourable to the rich and ignorant to the plea of the poor and the huge middle class. Things should change, things MUST change. Shame on us for allowing such things to happen.
First taking any other decision hang all the rapist in front of the public or cut their neck. Drivers Licence no and name should be on the Front and back side of the bus. Good decisiion in term or curtain and tinted Glass. Even if the mental he should be hanged to death. If the decision is not taken on time no one will realise that India is a safe place to live in especially for woman and tourist coming from out.
Yeh teek hain: Bus is the root cause of all the problems, first it was green bus , now it is raping bus. Well done Shinde, what an action?????
Culture change needs impetus–some incentive to do it. Where is the incentive? The Dharmic way of life is dead. India has no fall back. awarding death penalty to the offenders will be meaningless as it will only endanger the life of future victims. Should we castrate these fellows so that they never commit such a crime again. Maybe that will put a fear of law into them? IT will also partly make them undergo the social stigma that the victim faces today.
Reema, i think if laws of our land cannot deter incidents of rapes, molestations, acid throwing then they are not laws, they are junk. As we use new upgraded versions of our laptops instead of old out-dated ones, we build new wide roads n expressways,so it is also necessary to make new laws according to new realities of time. Law must solve purpose to provide justice to victims and at the same time fear of severe punishment must act as deterrent so as to prevent reoccurance of such crimes. Now what do you think is a JUST punishment for rape or acid throwing ? Here I agree with Richa shrivastava’s views. Yes, in today’s realities we need judicial hospitals in which offenders must be castrated for rapes and for acid throwing their face must be defaced in similar manner.In a way they must also realize the pain that victim goes through.
Well-said, Reema.
So much depends on the upbringing and education, particularly of our boys. While that takes time, swift and sure action is now needed – not just against the rapists but the law makers (what a joke!) who have allowed our society to become what it has.