Upma For Breakfast!

Now this is how a Punjabi describes a non-Punjabi wedding, ‘Hmm…It was quite simple… They had only upma for breakfast…’ and so on. You cannot miss the disappointing tone  – a typical Punjabi, expecting a totally different scenario at a wedding. Even my spontaneous response was that of surprise, “Oh, really?”

But later on I thought, “Why not!’ Weddings can take place like this way too. It can be a simple event. We Punjabis, who are known for the big, fat, loud and lavish weddings, must take notes from their counter-parts from other social and cultural groups. Today following the Punjabi example, an Indian wedding has become an event to be managed by qualified MBAs; there are event management companies specialising in weddings!

Whatever we may say about the changing psyche of the society about marriage, still we are stuck in the quagmire of a superficial and pompous display of our bloated egos. On one hand, we still consider the birth of the girl-child as a burden, a responsibility that most of us would like to avoid, given a chance, yet on the other hand the wedding of the daughter has become an opportunity for the parents to flaunt and waste their wealth. I remember how a woman Judge while declaring her financial assets to the Income Tax Department had included ‘Daughter’s Marriage’ in her liabilities. Most of the participants who came to the hot seat in KBC had daughter/sister’s marriage high on their agenda, for which they wanted to win money at the game show; and a number of them quoted five, six, or even 10 lakhs as the expense they expected  to bear. And remember, all these contestants were lower middle-class people.

Is it worth it? All the glitter and the display of affluence – whether it is the marvellous venues, the decorations, or the cuisine?  In fact, it is only a fleeting moment of pride that brings a smile on your face when you gloat over all the arrangements that you have spent thousands on. And as far as the guests are concerned, most of them don’t go into the details of the ambience and surrounding splendor. They simply go in, hand over the shagun with a plastic smile on their faces; sit down with some recognizable faces, without uttering even a single word, as the blaring sound of the music makes everyone deaf and dumb. Most of them even know everything before coming – who all will be there, and even what dishes will be served. So you see! Everyone comes prepared for a customary visit, and goes back after saying a silent good-bye with folded hands.  And for this, you had been preparing for months, maybe years?

I don’t say that a wedding should be a drab or boring event. No, it should be interesting, full of gaiety, celebration, dance and music, but within  limits. And as far as money is concerned, you can deposit this money in your daughter’s name, or keep it with yourself and help her whenever she needs it or when there is some emergency. It will go a long way in making her future life happy and secure.

I think upma for breakfast is not all that bad!