Hi! My name is Confusion. I am 25-years-old and constantly shuttling between my home “To be” and my workplace “To do.” I have heard that what sets human beings aside as special, is their ability to choose and decide, but somehow, I have always been severely allergic to it. Why, you may ask? I don’t know!
I go to work at “To do” all seven days of the week. I have an extremely inspiring and demanding boss. His name is “Expectation.” He tells me I am really smart and intelligent and that if I do what he says, I will be rich and successful like him. He says, “Money is everything. If you have money, you can buy anything and anyone, including happiness!” I open my mouth to argue, but then decide against it. “After all, he is rich, successful and happy, so he must be right…boss is Boss,” I tell myself.
I shrug my shoulders, wrap up my anger and put it in a corner inside me and get back to work. And as I go about the work, all I can think of is going back home to “To be”, where I can rest, sing, dance, sip coffee, stare at the walls and talk to my imaginary friends and not have to worry about the future. Just enjoy the moment!
I finally finish work and get back home, make a hot cup of coffee and invite my imaginary friends over for coffee. The phone rings. It is my boss! I remember, he said he would be going to a party today with his old friends Guilt, Ambition, Ego, Obligation and Fear – all very well known people in the business circles!
I pick up the line. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“I am just having dinner,” I say.
“Don’t spend too much time on dinner. Wasting 10 minutes is more than enough if you want to be successful. Why don’t you plan for the week ahead?” he says and hangs up.
Again, I wrap up my anger and put it in the corner, gulp down the food, apologize to my imaginary friends and promise them I would be back and get back to work, a part of me sad and another part proud of my dedication to my work and my boss.
They say that a person’s name affects his character to a great extent!
Days go by shuttling between home and work. I still haven’t fulfilled my promise to my imaginary friends and the wall. “All that can wait for when I get old…Now I must work!” I say.
I am sitting at a coffee shop, lost, thinking and planning about what I must do to make my boss proud of me and get rich and successful. “Then everyone will love me and I will be happy!” I say.
I am lost in my fantasy land, when a voice interrupts me.
“Hi! You look familiar…Have we met? My name is Clarity!”
“Not in this lifetime,” I reply and put my head down to focus on my work.
He smiles and leaves. My heart is beating fast. Who is this attractive, stout gentleman? He even looks like my imaginary love! Did I do the right thing? Or was I wrong? Was I rude? Should I go and look for him? “Forget it… Do your work!” I say to myself.
I bump into him again at a party that I am attending with my boss.
“Who are you? Tell me about yourself” he asks.
I decide to give in. “My name is confusion. I work at To do. I am smart, intelligent, hardworking, sacrificing and love to keep everyone happy”.
He smiles. “My name is Clarity and I work from my home ‘Just Be’. I am awake and peaceful. And I like you”, he says.
“So, who are you? And are you joyful?” he asks again.
“Did I just speak in Greek earlier, because I thought I spoke in English! I am smart, intelligent and….”
He laughs out wholeheartedly and says “I like you! Would you like to join me for a walk tomorrow?”
I like you too… I like you too, screams a voice inside me… but I pretend otherwise!
“Look Mr. Clarity,” I say, “You seem very awake, joyful and peaceful… but I am different. I have things I must do to make my boss, parents and everyone happy. I must work hard and be successfully earning lot of money. And there is so much work that 24 hours are not enough. I don’t have time to waste on walking, movies or even love. So, thank you for your time. To answer your question – Who am I…I am just an ordinary person, who must work, earn lots of money and make others happy, even if it means sacrificing my happiness and desires. Because then God will make me happy one day, for all my efforts”.
I am shocked at what I have just said! And I realize that I don’t believe a word of it, and yet I spoke with such conviction! My God, I am truly a ‘confusion’!
He has been calmly observing me. He can see that my belief has been shaken.
He smiles and says, “What if I were to tell you that you are perfect and beautiful, right now, just the way you are? You do not have to prove anything to anyone or pretend to save the world or serve everyone around you. You can choose to be joyful and peaceful, in this very moment. All you have to do is ask yourself “Do I want to be joyful?” and then believe that you deserve it. It is that simple! Realize that your only work in this world is to understand, accept and love yourself. No other work is worthwhile. This is all you have to do. Everything else and everyone else will be taken care of!”
He starts walking away from me… and then stops, and asks “So will you come with me, to Just be?”
Sindhu Ramachandran is an engineer but with a passion for people and learning, found her calling in the domains of human behaviour and connection. What followed is an eight-year research into ‘Intentions of Human Behaviour’ which has now morphed into a project called “Simplifying Life”! Deeply spiritual in her outlook, she is an avid reader, an amateur documentary-film maker and very interested in mystical sciences, besides dabbling in writing when inspired by the environment around her!
Very Nice and it’s come exactly when I needed it. Thanks very much.
very well written Sindhu, specially the last para. And even if i’m imperfect, let it be ‘coz i luv my imperfections. Mr.Clarity is so right when he says “U donot have to prove anything to anyone”. Don’t bother ’bout conditions to decide when u’ll joyful, don’t stand divided against urself, don’t put imaginary barriers in front of u n then say 1’st i’ll cross them then i’ll enjoy.
Don’t repeat the mistake made by Alexender. He was a gr8 greek king who told his beloved that 1st i’ll conqure this world n then spend happy time with u. When he reached india conquring many countries, he fell ill. He cdn’t reach back to his beloved n died midway. So remember that Every Alexender Dies Midway. So celebrate now when time is on ur side.
“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.” Sadly this seems to be the world we live in today! Really enjoyed reading your article.
Beautiful example of Alexander, Rajesh… and glad you liked it Meera, Nimi and Rajesh… like one of my favourite author – Byron Katie says, “Confusion is the only suffering”… and yet, confusion cannot exist without clarity and vice versa, because they both are tow sides of the same coin!