God has a way of keeping his favorite children close. Every time I begin to settle for something, he has a way of shaking me.
God: This is not what I planned for you; your destiny is greater than just settling into the mundane, then just making do with what is available.
I am on my way to give you what you utmost desire, just be patient, just hold on. It’s not far away. I am showing you all the ugliness, making you witness it only because I know that what I have in store for you is bigger, better.
Hold on, my favorite child, just a little while longer, I know it hurts and I know you think it cruel, but it’s important for you to see, for you to witness what needs to be seen; to see people are ugly, only then will you understand real beauty.
You will never enjoy sweetness, if you don’t know what real bitterness tastes like.
Me: And I am holding on, I am waiting for you to show me beauty, love, compassion. To show me what people who care for others look like. But I can’t hold on much longer, I feel betrayed, everyday. The more I try to find happiness in little things, the more I try to make the best of what’s Here and Now, the greater is my pain…..the higher my frustration.
If you are around, if you are listening to me, show me a miracle, lift me…..because I can’t go lower than this, I can’t hold on much longer. My smile hurts my face, my feet pain from bouncing around happy. I need to move on ….I need to see love ….I need to find my story….and I need to do that now…..right now!
God: Just hold on then, have faith for a bit more.
Me: No, this is it. They say I need to be thankful to you, so that you are benevolent to me. How is it that your benevolence is not showing? I am thanking you for everything….I am thanking you for everything, but hold me now. Because I am inches away from throwing all this away, from throwing our relationship away. I have no more faith to keep, and I am running out of goodness too.
You ask me to be kind, and I am.
God: Think of what you set out to do. Stop looking for what’s mine to take care of. Just live for what you believe in. Teach kids, that’s what you want to do right? Reach out to more people, that’s what you live for right? Tell your story, that’s what you love right? Find comedy in cruelty, that’s how you deal with things right?
What is meant for you, needs to find its way to you, has to live its own destiny to be able to entangle with yours. Just close your eyes. Breathe and Believe. Because frankly my love, that’s all you can do at this point.
Zahra Husain likes to live and think in ways she is not supposed to and she blogs at http://peepingjeans.wordpress.com/
Zahra, you put into words all that I’ve been feeling lately. It’s just amazing – those words could have very well been mine – thank you for sharing and letting me know I’m not alone and to still hold on to hope!
Thank you for this, Zahra 🙂 Came to me at a very right moment!
As I read this, I had tears in my eyes. The ‘Me’ reflects just about everything I have been telling God of late. ‘I have no more faith to keep, and I am running out of goodness too’ describes my feelings perfectly. Thank you for sharing this; good to know I am not alone 🙂
Just beautiful…
Thank You 🙂 For Reading and For letting me know.