Funny that this note started out as Love 101 – everything you need to find and keep the love of your life! But then fate intervened and I read this book called “Empowering Women” by Louise Hay. Changed my life (just yesterday by the way!) So let me start by apologizing to all my single friends. I’ve been a blundering fool. I’ve judged, I’ve compared, I’ve used outdated standards to measure the worth of women such as yourself. Beautiful, talented, self-sufficient women. The notion that you are incomplete without a man has to be thrown out the window. I’m sorry but I held onto to that belief too – unconsciously. It’s a lie that we have accepted as the gospel truth. We are not here to marry or procreate. That is not the ‘sole’ purpose of our lives! At least not everyone’s life.
If that were the case I would have been blissfully happy and continued to be a stay-at-home mom, cared for my husband when he retired, stayed a dutiful wife till my dying day and then shed my mortal shell and lined up at heaven’s gate. Mind you for centuries women did just that. It was not ‘genteel’ for women to work or sweat! Women had to stay home and knit, cook, sew and take care of kids and support their ‘man’. But the good news is you don’t have to do that. However, if you search your psyche, you will find remnants of these outdated ideas. Media plays a big role to propagate these ideas.
Take a moment to reflect on the last five chick flicks (I hate that phrase!) you watched. What was the storyline? How to find a man? How to please a man? How to fix your flaws so you can find a man? The taming of the ‘supposed’ shrew? Isn’t there something wrong with the picture? No wonder women feel the pressure to marry and have babies. They feel burdened by the stigma attached to being single. The clock is ticking, they are told . So they think, “I have to settle down. Something is wrong with me. I’m too smart. Too sensitive. I should stop being me.” Infinite excuses. I’m sure you can come up with some unique ones yourself.
The fact is, you were born whole and complete. Love yourself and all that you have accomplished. Having the wrong man in your life could have slowed you down, could have changed your course for he could have imposed his plans upon you. He could have tried to ‘fix’ you to fit his needs!
If there is a man out there who complements you, he will come along soon enough. If not, be happy anyways. Surround yourself with people who love you and honor you, not well-meaning friends who want to fix you up with some guy they know.
I see I’ve ruffled a few feathers. You are thinking, what do you know about being single, you got married at 23! Well the grass is always greener on the other side, girlfriend. Marriage ain’t a piece of cake (but I’ll save that for another post!)
Don’t let anyone make you feel less. I’ve known that feeling. People thought I was wasting my time staying at home and taking care of my kids. I didn’t have a job so it meant I wasn’t smart enough. I couldn’t drive so something was wrong with me. You see if you let the world decide what you are worth, it is going to find ways to diminish you. And I am here to say you are perfect just the way you are and that you are right where you are, where you are meant to be. To conclude, love comes in many forms. Bliss can be found at many levels. And singularity is not always a lonely word.
Damayanti Chandrasekhar lives in Florida with her husband and two children, loves yoga, baking and the Tao. She has a Masters degree in Journalism and currently volunteers at the local public school. Her other interests include reading, travelling and playing agony aunt via her blogwww.punctuatelife.com.
good one Damyanti !
I think i hold a contrary view. Though living single or not is one’s own private life and i respect it.
I believe as the sun rises, water falls, birds chirp, rivers flow, a man seeks a woman and a woman seeks a man. We are born seekers. In this whole wide world with billion of people we are all alone, we are TANHA. What we call mother earth and mother nature are totally indifferent to us or rather not aware of u.U live or die is immaterial. U are not needed, not invited here on this earth, u are just a chance product. This “not needed” feeling creates a subtle unconscious fear which we call loneliness, TANHAI.
All u need is just 1 person who loves u, who misses u, who shares happiness, sadness, tears with u. That 1 person,your lover, gives ur life a meaning, a purpose to live and the indifference of this world becomes meaningless. Without my woman I feel so weak, so incomplete and with my woman i feel on the top of this world.