There was a girl looking straight at me, slightly confused, mildly annoyed, her kohl smeared face, her frizzy and unkempt hair reminded of the person I was scared of becoming. She didn’t look familiar. She looked distraught and unhappy but as I continued to look at the reflection in the mirror, my mind went into the panic zone. Was this really me? I wondered, how could I let myself be like this person. I washed my face, rubbing clean the kohl from my face, tied my hair into a tight bun and sat down to think just where had I gone wrong?
**
When I was younger, I had a clear vision of what I wanted to be-a successful woman, I imagined walking down a crowded street with poise and elegance. There would be a cup of coffee in my hand, sophisticated clothes to denote my position and an attitude that could change the world. As years went by, I decided to ditch this filmy dream and become a little more realistic, primarily because of two reasons a) I don’t like coffee b)I still did not know what defines success. Would I need to be prolific at something? Something that could inspire, encourage, motivate and help people in need, something that would give me an opportunity to meet new people, explore new cities, learn new languages and above all be responsible for a good change in the society?
**
As I try to put pieces of my life to correctly fit the big picture I imagined, I’ am reminded of the plain Jane in a film who then undergoes a drastic and fabulous makeover, but life is no Disney movie. Here coincidences happen as rarely as receiving a letter from the postman. While I was in college, I was told that the world outside is cruel, but oh boy! How wrong were they! The world is not cruel. It’s apathetic and the apathy towards people is just confused as cruelty. Let me give you an example. Imagine yourself running late, and as you run towards the elevator, the person inside just ignores you, and BAM! The door shuts right in your face. Now the person who should’ve tried to let you in is not cruel. Who knows, he might be even the Director of the local NGO, but he’s going to pretend he didn’t hear or see you because he is indifferent and your presence means nothing to him.
**
I was that girl, walking on the beach with so many colourful balloons, and I let them go, all of them.. one by one, until I had none left. I should have been so many things in my life, but I am this kohl smeared girl. I often feel bad about letting go of those balloons, but then somewhere a child is pointing at those balloons, marvelling at their beauty and hoping to catch them. Life is like that man who didn’t try to hold the elevator doors for you, but then you will always get another elevator, another opportunity though slightly late; and it will take you to the same destination. As for me, who knows what dreams may yet come true?
**
Sandra is a student, an amateur writer, reader, dreamer and the list goes on and on. She loves long walks on the beach and waking up to a wonderful breakfast, visiting new places and meeting new people. In short she likes every thing in life that is not black and white. Admires people who lead their life differently,who look beyond the obvious and seek to live their life according to their convictions, at their own pace and in their own time. She blogs at http://www.fortheperfectionistinme.blogspot.in
I totally relate to that girl you described. I had to let go of all my balloons as a mom of 2 living away from my homeland. I have had to reinvent myself many times. But guess what? like you said you miss one bus and another one comes along…waiting is not fun but is sometimes worth it…Great read!
Thank you Damanyati,I’m glad you could relate to it.Don’t keep waiting ,run towards the next bus:),Goodluck!