In The Dirty Picture (2011), she played the hero, the heroine, the vamp and the victim who lives the bitter truth, “Zindagi jab mayus hoti hai..tabhi mehsoos hoti hai.” In Kahaani (2012), she was not just a vengeful mother goddess but also Mahabharata’s Krishna and Arjuna and the mainstream hero with a woman’s body. Someone who made you forget the gender stereotypes associated with women in cinema. And made the audience whistle and clap not at an item number but the way her purposeful square gaze and a measured one-liner put a rude CBI inspector in his place.Vidya Balan fearlessly commands cinematic space in a joyful sort of way and when she breaks rules, it looks like the most natural thing in the world.
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And every time she changes our perception about what a female actor can do, she smiles at the fuss and moves on to the next challenge. In recent times, she has changed the gender of words like power and strength in our cinema and in her latest outing as Bobby Jasoos, she is all light and sunshine but there is also unmistakable grit that we have come to expect from her.
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In an exclusive chat, Vidya Balan speaks about what it took her to get comfortable in her own skin and how cinema, like life, must be invested with unconditional love
First cinematic memory?
Was it, It’s a Beautiful Life? I only remember our school taking us all to a cinema hall to watch a film. Then there was Haathi Mere Saathi that we as a family watched together on Sunday, on Doordarshan. We were not into films at all. My dad knew very little about the industry till I joined it. I am sure, he watched occasional films featuring Hemaji and Rekhaji at some point but that was it. As a family, we watched Hum Aapke Hain Kaun in its 45th week so as you can see, we were not really clued in!
The first time you faced a camera..
It was a still camera. It was for a print ad for state tourism in a bungalow in Kalina and I was paid Rs 500 for it. As a child, I remember once my sister and a few cousins were requested to pose for a family planning ad!
So how did the actor emerge?
We were allowed cable TV only in summer vacations. I saw Madhuri Dixit dancing to Ek Do Teen and like the rest of the nation, I too was besotted with her! A lot of dancing in front of the mirror followed after I coaxed my mother to reluctantly shell out Rs 20-25 to buy me a cassette of Tezaab’s songs. I remember auditioning for a TV serial and believed that I was the best actor God had ever created..but the pilot never aired! Then we were sent to Balaji Films to audition for another serial and at that time Hum Paanch had already been on air for over a year and I was cast as one of the girls.
And then ofcourse you and Ekta worked together on The Dirty Picture..
Yes! It was a big leap for us both because we both started our career with TV. We both went our separate ways and then had to come together for this film!
But before success came, you were tested so much..films announced with you never took off, there was such criticism..how did you face it all?
Destiny like life takes its own time. The tough times come to bring forth the best, the strongest part of you. You are tested for a good reason. What kept me going was my family, their faith in me, my faith in their faith. My parents, my sister and brother-in-law are the four pillars of my life and now I have one more..Siddharth (her husband Siddharth Roy Kapoor). My self-belief comes from my dad. He came to Mumbai as a 16-year-old with a few rupees in his pocket. He studied at an evening college, worked through the days and has conducted his life with so much dignity and integrity. My mother too lost her mom at the age of five and made a decision to invest all her energy in us. Her unconditional love made us feel we were exceptional, that we were worthy of love no matter what and at ALL times. When you have that as your foundation, whether success comes or not, acceptance greets you or not, you feel free to be yourself. To have the courage to feel enough. And ofcourse, there is prayer that is ingrained in me because of my Palakkad brahmin roots!
So what changed and how?
Seven years ago, when I was facing terrible criticism for nothing and everything, I realised no matter what I do, I cannot make everyone happy and the only person whose happiness I have a control over is me. If you set out to meet expectations, you will always be unhappy because expectations keep changing. I decided, the only way to counter judgement was to be myself. And it made me increasingly happy since I was not trying to be anyone else to gain approval. And the more I started accepting myself, the more accepting people got of me. The shift happened in the months that followed Kismet Connection and the rest just followed.
Who else do you think like you..has been a game changer?
Sridevi. I am huge fan and not just because at one point just her name was enough to sell films but also because she was and is sheer talent. She made a space for herself at a time when there was no space for women in our films. She played strong, central protagonists and I have the greatest respect for her. Even today, she chose to do a film like English Vinglish, where there was no desperation to look young. She is still doing it her way. Being true to the actor within.
Bobby Jasoos?
This has been one of the most exciting, precious films and experiences of my life. When people say, ‘once again, you are carrying an entire film on your shoulders’…I tell them that infact it is a team of 320 people that is carrying me and the film. It has been a truly collaborative experience full of happy synergy. The director Samar Shaikh is really special. I had an instinctive faith and trust in him as I spent time with him, and his wife Sanyukta Shaikh Chawla, trying to know Bobby. I just knew that he will make me do something different.
Dia Mirza and Sahil Sangha..
They are like nurturing foster parents even though it is just their second film as producers. It is wonderful the way they draw the best out of people, not with authority but with love. It is the biggest skill to be able to do that and they have it. It is incredible how they have supported Samar, a first time director. They invest in people and it makes all the difference.
Any unlived dream?
I never have long term dreams. If something I aspire to does not materialise, I move on!
**earlier published on http://m.newindianexpress.com/bangalore/325435
with Reema Moudgil works for The New Indian Express, Bangalore, is the author of Perfect Eight, the editor of Chicken Soup for the Soul-Indian Women, an artist, a former RJ and a mother. She dreams of a cottage of her own that opens to a garden and where she can write more books, paint, listen to music and just be.