When you are a girl of about eight, and you tell your parents and relatives that you want to be a police woman, you get a pat on your back and a smile, but fast forward the same statement by 10 years, and the smile disappears into a smirk and you hear, ‘You’re a girl and you want to be a policeman?’ ‘Policewoman,’ you correct them,but they go on, ‘Why do you want to be a police woman? Only boys are fit for that job, and if you become a police woman, you think someone will marry you? Why can’t you be more like the other girls?’ And just like that.. a crushing truth is revealed that women in India are primarily expected to marry. You may get a fancy degree, a fulfilling job and a brand new car is appreciated but what is the use of all these if you can’t find a husband?
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Being a woman is difficult and exhausting enough. Sure, it is wonderful and nice at times, but mostly it is tiring physically, emotionally and sometimes even spiritually and the task becomes harder by a large percentage when you are a woman of Indian descent. For an Indian girl there are sets of stringent rules and boundaries. In some households it is all marked out bright and clear in red, in some others.. the message is subtly put across as and when the situation arises.
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We are taught from a small age that some men are bad, so YOU have to protect yourself, you can’t wear short skirts and go outside because men stare, you can’t be out late, because again, men take advantage of you, you can’t put on a lot of weight because no one wants to marry a fat girl, and you better keep your ideas of dowry to yourself, because you don’t know how this system works, you can’t get married to someone you love because true loves comes only out of an arranged marriage to a person who belongs to the same religion, caste and social strata as yours.
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Somehow every day consciously or unconsciously we are reminded that we are not men that we have limitations and we have to adhere by them. What is the point of a successful career if you can’t be a good wife they ask!
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It seems like nothing has changed over the course of years. Sure there are more women’s organizations, but there are also more cases of rapes, abuse, and torture. What irks me most is that some women are involved in this too, just recently Asha Mirje, an NCP leader questioned as to why the Delhi Rape victim was out late, she further went on to say that “Rapes take place because of a woman’s clothing, her behavior, and her presence at inappropriate places.” As absurd as this comment sounds I’d like to ask Asha Mirje to justify the rapes of women by their husbands, fathers, uncles, bosses or even brothers. What exactly did these women do wrong? Maybe she can provide a little more insight to less enlightened women like me.
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Somehow every fault is ours, we are not victims but the causes of this oppression towards us. What is the need of stripping our dignity, questioning our intentions and cutting our wings before we have learnt to fly? Why can’t we be in a world where we are not objects, but persons with rights and not just responsibilities? Why can’t we be given a chance to do something for ourselves, to make a niche of our own and to make decisions and commitments when we are finally ready?
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Sandra is a student, an amateur writer, reader, dreamer, shopaholic and the list goes on and on. She loves long walks on the beach and waking up to a wonderful breakfast, visiting new places and meeting new people. In short she likes every thing in life that is not black and white. Admires people who lead their life differently,who look beyond the obvious and seek to live their life according to their convictions, at their own pace and in own their time. She blogs at http://www.fortheperfectionistinme.blogspot.in
