Love Beyond Gender

Society in India is coming of age. It has begun to openly acknowledge the word ‘gay,’  before kids and in movies etc. Unfortunately our minds are not open enough to accommodate and treat the gay community with the same respect that we accord to heterosexuals. There is a subtle stigma attached to this word which must be addressed. A gay person does not need society’s sympathy or special help. He or she simply needs acceptance. This is because a gay person’s suffering, joy, depression and elation are as human as that of a heterosexual.

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A student once shared this incident with me. He told me that a gay classmate had proposed to him. He unfortunately could not hold back his laughter and said, “Sorry, I am straight!” He realized moments later that he shouldn’t have laughed. Exactly. Because sexual preference is a personal choice and a fundamental right.  Decriminalization of homosexuality under Article 377 of the Indian Constitution is a positive move but social acceptance is what really matters. We as a society need to shed our deep-rooted prejudices   towards those who are different from us be it in the economic sense or in the way they choose their partners and lead their lives.  We are judgmental towards same sex relationships, people who have relationships out-of-wedlock, single parents etc in our neighborhood but we seldom raise our voice against a suspicious group of rowdies who may be troubling a woman or could be potential criminals. This is the state of our mind. We dominate those we can and conveniently ignore an obvious menace.

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As parents, teachers and members of society, we need to sensitize people that gay behavior is a normal variant of human sexual orientation. Gay behavior is not a new phenomenon but our attitude towards it has been varied. At different times in history it has existed all over the world including in India. In ancient Greece, homosexuality was acceptable and common. In late 19th century, it was regarded as pathological. Later in the beginning of 20th century, psychologists viewed it as a product of faulty development. And in recent times,  scientists have tried to search a biological explanation for gay behavior. It is only after long striving and great effort on the part of the gay community and the open minded that gay individuals are now able to claim their right to freedom and choice to an extent.

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There are several controversies and issues that surround homosexuality. Adoption of a child by a gay couple, social stigma, family condemnation and pressures, employer’s prejudices, outlook of the residential neighborhood etc are some among many. Religious groups have deemed it to be immoral. Others have claimed it to be a disease or perversion. And social activists of a certain ideology have gone so far as filing suits against gay behavior and protesting Acts that sanction gay marriage. While these controversies and social perspectives will continue to exist and will create guilt and frustration for same sex relationships, the truth remains that love for any gender is just love, it is neither a disease nor deviant behavior. Any attempt to suppress this means stifling individual freedom – their freedom to choose love.

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Due to societal pressures, some gay individuals end up succumbing to heterosexual marriage and thereby not only put themselves through the depression of unsatisfactory marital/sexual life but also leave the heterosexual spouse unfulfilled and perhaps unloved. Do we want this to happen to our kids? It is therefore important to recognize the rights of gays and not consider them as deviant but rather accommodate them as just another component of the society.

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Bollywood has made some films like Kal Ho Na Ho and Dostana in the recent past that have used gay behavior as an element of humor. These films were passed by the Censor Board and they performed well at the box office without any apparent hurdle. So far, so good. But I hope in the future, Bollywood makes movies that deal with the stories of gay couples, transgender people, relationships out of wedlock, single parents etc from their point-of-view. I hope to see films that can sensitize people towards these stories. Moreover I hope to see these films pass the Censor Board without undue cuts and run in the cinemas without any mob or political party making a mountain out of a molehill.

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Onir’s cinema and most recently Karan johar’s Ajeeb Dastan Hai Ye, a part of the film, Bombay Talkies is a move in this direction. But a Fire still needs to claim its rightful place in Indian cinema and eventually in the society at large.

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Nilesh P Megnani is a professor of philosophy who teaches not just the academics of his subject but the purpose of it to his students. He writes whenever he feel inspired and believes life  is workable hypothesis and love, the elusive potion that might transform humanity Connect with on neelvijayalaxmi@gmail.com