Life is all about contrasting decisions, each one making a new ripple; sometimes saving you and the other times destroying you. I have written before about letting go and moving on, but now, I’ll write about the opposite. About the virtue of holding on.
Nowadays, people have lost the patience to tolerate cracks in relationships and often they go ahead and break a bond for good. I read somewhere that when a grandma was asked how she was still with the man she married 50 years ago, she smiled and replied, “In my days, when things were broken, we put them together and did not replace them.”
So where are all of us going wrong? Why are all of us losing friends over a fight? Breaking up with boyfriends/girlfriends? It is all because we are taking people for granted and we are constantly looking to find something..someone better.
Holding on is as important as letting go. Before, letting go, ask yourself, are you trying your best to save the relationship? Remember also…
Nothing gets fixed on its own – Very often, we think that everything will get okay on its own and you go on with your life. The fights, issues stay unresolved and an awkwardness and wall of silence might crop up. So, remember, nothing gets fixed on its own. You will need to make an effort to mend it.
People are not replaceable – There is a difference between people and things. As Oscar Wilde said, “Nowadays, people know the value of nothing and the price of everything”. Another personality, Spencer W. Kimball said, ‘Love people, not things; use things, not people”. You will not get another friend like the one you let go. I have had so many friends who after a fight did not talk to me. But eventually with an ice breaker or two and a little chat, everything was back to normal. Good friends are very hard to find so do not lose them just because you think you will get a better one.
Do not speak in anger – Communicate calmly and do not speak when you are angry. Express what you feel but in a manner that makes your point clear . How? Listen to good music, think about the situation calmly and then speak to the person. Make sure you do not insult or ridicule him or her as that will definitely not help.
If you are not the one who is angry but the other person is, then wait for a few hours and then go talk. Make sure your are are trying to understand their point of view.
Analyze the situation – think about the whole situation and accept it if you have made a mistake. Do not defend yourself in such a case. Say sorry, if you have to and do not let ego get in the way. I have lost one friend because I never had the courage to apologize and I regret it very much. Every day I see him, I wish I had said sorry.
Sometimes it is very hard to move on, and rest of the times, it is hard to let go. How do we find a balance? When and how do we decide when to do what? It is a hard question and the answer is harder. It depends on the facts and circumstances of each situation. Do what is harder to do. If you think letting something or someone go will make it easier for you then do not do that. The easier option is the shortcut. Quit the shortcuts. And stop quitting on people.
That said, remember you are not a doormat. Stand up to yourself when you need to and know when to let go.
Srishti is a lawyer by profession and a blogger by choice. She writes at Law Schools Terrace.