Here are a few pages from the diary of an anxious soul. Though she prefers anonymity, the thoughts she pens down resonates with many of us. Over to her:
As I sit on my desk without any work at the moment, I fear that is it because they don’t want to keep me here. I have already imagined what they would say or do, I have even imagined my mom’s reaction to it. Now I’m worried how I’m going to pay the bills. And God, not again, do I want to be at the crossroads.
When I lose weight and buy a smaller sized clothing, I worry about gaining weight and not fitting into this sweet little thing. And so I always buy loose pairs of jeans, just in case, I gain weight again!
I live in a world of constant anxiety where things don’t work out or would not, not because I think so but that’s how it is generally. I generally expect the worst, because the best usually doesn’t happen but nonetheless I’m sad when the worst happens. I beat myself up over having negative thoughts and then I beat myself over beating myself up. If my mom doesn’t pick up the call, I imagine the worst case scenario. I worry over everything, over the next meal, the next year and whatever is coming or not coming next.
I read some more and the wise men tell me to look for happiness inside me, to be grateful, to be at peace. I try it in impatience, and get even more flustered when it doesn’t work. They say life takes time. Well, if I had that, I wouldn’t be anxious now, would I?