She, the immaculate Marianna Sharon Joseph could barely stand the sight of herself. She looked like something the dog had dragged in. She switched on the light to see if it made any difference… but no, she still looked like someone else… someone else who had lost a child. The thought brought on a cramp in her stomach and a sharp pain in her heart. Her child, her baby was dead and she had never felt so adrift before.
Marianna Marianna
Born a beauty
Blessed is my Anna
Precious her smiles
A joy to me is my Marianna
She could still hear her mother humming as she dressed her for Sunday school. Today was Sunday and she couldn’t be bothered with mundane activities like dressing up for Church. In fact, she had a good mind to turn an atheist. Her mother, bless her soul, would probably turn in her grave if she ever heard such blasphemous thoughts.
Marianna Marianna
Always and forever
Tu meri Anna
Gorgeous rose
Be mine, Marianna
Albert, her neighbour and friend from forever had proposed to her the night she had turned 18. She was almost 32 today and she still couldn’t think of a life with regular Mr Nice guy Albert D’souza. She was glad she had left behind her home town with her high school crush Michael as soon as she could, only to be ditched by him two months down the lane. She only wished to be given one chance to see Michael again… preferably when she had a loaded gun handy.
Marianna Marianna
The hot and sultry
Young Ms Anna
Ruthless and cold
My ambitious Marianna
She owed her life to Andy, the photographer who had discovered her when she worked in a furniture showroom. He wanted her body for himself and her face for his camera. She gave both willingly and managed to break into the world of fashion. She didn’t believe in baggage, so Andy was replaced by fashion choreographer Monty followed by fellow model Arjun and her most recent ex, fashion designer Dalbir. She was promised the world by one and all, but only Andy had actually delivered the promised goods. She owed him that atleast.
Marianna Marianna
Pretty still
Is our Anna
But time is cruel
Lady Marianna
The first grey hair nearly gave her a heart attack. She was blessed with wonderful complexion, but her energy was beginning to fade. Offers were beginning to dwindle, but men kept coming on. Some fools like the cricketer Ravi wanted her to pledge eternal love. If she wanted marriage she would have stayed in her back of the beyond hometown and married Albert, right? But she had to live, and live in style. So she took on that offer the new model co-ordinator Jojo made. Rs 50,000 for two hours was not a bad deal at all. And she didn’t go out with just anyone… they were all stars in their own right. Only they couldn’t manage to get a decent date on their own.
Marianna Marianna
What are you going to do?
Mama Anna
Motherhood is precious
Be gentle, Marianna
The tests were all positive. She was bloody pregnant. She could support a baby on her own. She had enough saved. She could hire a nanny. She could get back to working once the baby was born. There would be someone she could call her own. She could but she wouldn’t. She was not risking her life, her figure and money.
She would have an abortion.
It cost her three days of bleeding and cramps and a big scare when she saw herself in the mirror, but it was done.
Her heart did send out occasional shots of pure agony, but practical Marianna had just one thing to say to it, “With my luck, dear heart, the baby could have belonged to the ugliest of my clients and look it too..”
Marianna Marianna
Always working
Tireless Anna
No time for another
I belong to myself, sighs Marianna.
Uma Iyer is a writer, a mother and a freelance consultant for marketing communication to several organisations. She was raised in Mumbai and currently lives in Delhi. Her retirement plan includes two dogs, many books and a shack by the sea.