Humans love symmetry.  From quantum physics, to the reasons we find people attractive, everything is linked to symmetry.  Even our own bodies are bilaterally symmetrical. Our brains are roughly symmetrical. Funnily enough, our hearts are not. (Note, all you medical students calling me a crazy person who knows nothing about anything, I’m talking about a macro, naked eye level. )Yes, I know even our eyes are not perfectly symmetrical. I’m merely using  artistic licence.

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There’s much of symmetry in Nature. But there’s even more so in things that are man-made.  Someone famous (I can’t remember who) once said that the way to figure out the difference between a man-made and a natural object is by the level of symmetry. We put symmetry in everything we do. From our homes to our hair, we like it all to be symmetrical. It becomes part of our lives to the extent that we don’t even realise it anymore.

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And thus, we end up wanting and expecting perfection and beauty, these expectations trickle down to other people. Research shows that our judgement of beauty is about symmetry. How beautiful I think you are has less to do with you and me, and more to do with whether the two halves of your nose are mirror images of each other.  Our expectations from our interactions are about symmetry. If someone gives you an expensive gift, it’s only proper to do the same. If someone says ‘Hi’ to you, you say ‘Hi’ to them. If they wish you at midnight for your birthday, you do the same for theirs. “It’s only proper” you say. It’s only natural.

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And many times, our relationships become about symmetry. You expect the other person to care about you as much as you care about them, talk to you as much as you talk to them. But, stop for a minute. Think about this-  if the only reason you care about them is because they care about you, that entire relationship is, well,  a little superficial.

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There are times when it works better when it’s asymmetrical. Sometimes it’s only natural that I care about my friend more than they care about me. At that time, in that situation, they may have other things to worry about, other places to be and other things to care about. I believe, that relationships are not definable static things that can be labelled. They are dynamic, almost living entities. Asymmetrical ones at that. One second, I might be the only person you want to talk to in the world. And the next second, you might not want to talk to me at all. It’s up to me to interpret this how I like.

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Yes, I can choose to mope about the fact that you have no time, ability or desire to talk to me. Yes, I can cry about it and drown in my own sorrows. Yes, I can talk to my friends about how “he’s just changed so much” and “things are just not the same anymore with her.” Yes, I can quote Sylvia Plath and tell my friends how I no longer have any expectations from anybody because “If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”

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Or, I can suck it up and just be there for you if I do really care, because if you’re my friend, I know there’s a valid reason for your choice not to talk to me. It might not be a symmetrical choice, and so there will always be a problem. And so it’s not going to be beautiful because it’s counter- intuitive.

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But sometimes, there are relationships which are in an eternal state of asymmetry, like a mother and a child. There cannot be symmetry in some. It’s probably best to accept that and learn to live with it. And to then, love living with it. Because though it’s counter-intuitive,  and contrary to everything we see, believe and are taught, asymmetry can be beautiful too.

Freia Lobo is a 17- year- old student from Mumbai. She is currently in the 12th grade. She loves writing poetry and fiction whenever she gets the time, and is a voracious reader. She loves fantasy, mystery and thrillers but has a soft spot for chick lit. She plays the piano and enjoys listening to everything from Rahat Fateh Ali Khan to Lady Gaga. She blogs here www.themumbaigirl.blogspot.com