“This only brings pain.”
“There are so many obstacles.”
“You are too simple to deal with this….forget this!”
“They fight like dogs, can’t see each other’s faces, once they are over with this.”
Those were Sujay’s esteemed friends’ opinion on ‘this’; the most dreaded yet sought-after human emotion – articulated by the four lettered word: LOVE.
***
This feedback on LOVE that my friend, Sujay, received from ‘well-wishers’ might have been propelled by their own ‘failed ‘experiences.
“I don’t want you to go through the same pain,” they would add with outmost concern.
But heart has its own way of dictating terms, doesn’t it?
So despite everything, Sujay’s heart did beat for the first time-yes it did!
She was the bubbly, talkative girl in the Engineering College. Sujay had no clue as to what attracted him to her but the mere sight of her used to set his heart racing! Her name was …well how does it matter…let us call her Nivedita.
***
It is not that they often talked (Nivedita, being an extremely sociable girl, was on talking terms with most in the class though), or went out together or even went to the college cafeteria together, but still he felt for her: her smile lifted his heart and when there was a frown on her face, he wold wonder, “What is bothering her?”
***
Yes, he was in love- quite deep into it! When they occasionally spoke, he was very conscious about himself and eager to appear at his best.  And it was such an empowering feeling. The thought that you have the ability to love someone selflessly. It is  just blissful, divine. We could sense it in the aura that Sujay had around him.  So many love letters written, but only to find place in his shabbily arranged drawer…never to be delivered.
***
The wait, the longing, and the endless hours spent in her reverie and finally it was February 14, the day every lover chooses  to profess his love. But Sujay didn’t  until of course we, a group of close friends, convinced him. “Say it to her,” we  urged, “it does not make any sense to nurture such profound feelings in your heart and never convey them.”
***
So, finally we convinced him to express his feelings in written words…and I was entrusted with the responsibility to draft the letter.
I gathered the most convincing words (or  whatever my inadequate vocabulary permitted) to put forth his feelings. And finally one of our hostel juniors was asked to be the messenger and carry the letter to the girl’s hostel which he sadly, fearfully delivered.
***
And so the letter was delivered. Sujay received a letter from Nivedita, the very next day.
“I will wait for you sharp at 12 tomorrow…near the bus stop, ” the letter ended. We  set up Sujay for the occasion, dressed him with the best of clothes that we could find in the hostel; but what awaited Sujay at the bus stand was not only Nivedita, but also her rude boyfriend, of whom we were unaware of, and two of his mates. “Keep away from her,”  warned her boyfriend holding the collar of his shirt after the initial thrashing, while the rest, including Nivedita, barely held back their laughter.
***
Sujay became the butt of jokes…all the girls seemed to know the incident. The giggles that invariably accosted him whenever he passed by a group of girls seated in the cafeteria, in the classroom, anywhere in the college campus- became intolerable for him. Even the boys did not spare him: he became the prime target of cruel banter.
***
Sujay grew reticent, aloof. Disgusted and tormented at being humiliated relentlessly, he avoided attending classes, and on rare occasions when he did attend classes, he took all the pains to avoid any unwanted attention. His agony brought a sense of guilt in us, as we had persuaded him to confess his love and hence that brought the realization that we were responsible for his pain; and more so I -because I was the one who drafted the letter. And for the rest of the hostel-stay, I could not interact with him with the same zest with which I used to.
***
Sujay was too nice a person to  blame others, but we, especially I, felt the pinch. Our college days eventually got over. 10 years later, I still am in touch with Sujay (settled in the US now)  and Nivedita also, who underwent a painful divorce from her violent husband (the same boyfriend who thrashed Sujay) just two years ago.
***
They both call me. Once while talking with Sujay I happened to discuss Nivedita, her divorce and violent relationship.
“She was a nice girl, and it is painful to know that she had to undergo so much pain…,” I could almost fathom the ache in Sujay’s voice as he uttered them. To know that Sujay still preserves a soft corner in his heart for the very girl who happened to be the cause of his distress was moving.
***
But definitely Sujay has moved on and is looking for a bride. Nivedita is alone now and possibly in search of her soul-mate.
Whenever we talk, the one question that she invariably asks me, is, “How is Sujay?” and I can feel that she really wants the question answered.
Saurabh Paul loves reading novels, particularly classics and autobiographies and loves sharing those experiences that have left an indelible impact on him. He has contributed to the Chicken Soup for the Indian Souls series.