A Sock Or Two

She held the pair of tiny, cute blue socks in her hands as she looked down at her three -week old baby. He was so adorable and her heart brimmed with love as he gazed back at her. Suddenly, she burst into tears….again. It broke her heart to see her little baby’s right leg in a cast.

  Ayesha hadn’t stopped crying since the previous day when they had returned from their first appointment with the pediatric club foot specialist. Thank heavens for Bay area, California where one could avail of such specialised medical treatment. Her little bundle of joy was the most precious and perfect thing to her but not to this world. Ayaan was born with a club foot in his right leg. Ayesha gathered herself, yet again, and put on a sock on Ayaan’s left foot and quietly, stifling her sobs, put away the other sock back in the tub. Her mother walked in at that moment and quietly picked Ayaan up from the changing table and told Ayesha to get some rest as she walked away.

  Ayesha walked towards the window in a daze. Her body was still sore from child birth. But even that pain could not compare with the sorrow tearing at her heart right now. She drew open the curtains and stood staring at the deer munching away at the shrubs lining the sides of her backyard. Fall had set in and the myriad shades of golden, red, orange and greenish yellow of the foliage against the blue sky in the warm afternoon painted a delightful picture. Oblivious to nature’s beauty in this poignant moment, she quietly closed the curtains and snuggled into the warmth of her bed.

 Sleep didn’t come easy these days for Ayesha. She turned on her back and stared at the white ceiling above her. Events of the last six months began to unspool again. It had all started during her routine sonography when she was 15 weeks pregnant. Her mother-in-law who was visiting at that time from India had accompanied her to the sonography appointment while her husband Akshay had driven to school to pick up their older son Aman.

 The doctor determined that it was going to be a boy! Another one! As long as  the baby was going to be a healthy one, the gender had never mattered to either Ayesha or Akshay. Of course, her mother-in-law was very happy. After the sonography, the doctor sat Ayesha down and explained to her that there was some bad news. Ayesha felt her heart stop for a split second. She braced herself to hear the worst. The doctor told her that her baby had a club foot. 

 Ayesha was shocked and speechless. She didn’t even know what it meant. The doctor explained to her that the foot was turned inwards like a golf club; and hence the name. Ayesha continued to stare blankly at the doctor and then it all sank in. She burst into tears and started to cry uncontrollably, The doctor held her and comforted her.  

Ayesha’s mother-in-law was at a loss as she had not understood what the doctor had explained. When Ayesha explained to her in between sobs, her mother-in-law gasped in shock and then went into a rant about how unfortunate it was that she and her son had to face such a sad situation when nothing of this sort had ever happened to anyone in their family. Ayesha couldn’t believe her ears and just stared at her mother-in-law in disbelief!  

 Soon, a flustered Akshay arrived. They then met the genetic counselor who gave them more information about how a lot of babies born with club feet had chances of neurological disorders like Down Syndrome, etc. Ayesha felt as if someone had pushed her into a nightmarish whirlwind. Akshay held her hand as the counselor poured out more information and finally suggested the option of amniocentesis which unfortunately came with a high risk of miscarriage. Ayesha felt as if her head would burst with all this information being poured out to her. At the end of the meeting, Akshay thanked the counselor and took Ayesha home.   

 The only thing they both knew for sure was that, come what may, they were going to have this baby. They had both waited a long time after Aman’s birth to have another child. Ayesha could not even dream of giving up this child.  Her hand would instinctively go upto her belly as if to protect her baby. Akshay started to call his cousins who were doctors to get their advice. He decided to see a doctor from Stanford who specialized in high-risk pregnancies. They returned from her clinic the next week with the same information as before but with a clearer sense of direction. Ayesha’s blood chromosomal reports, etc were all normal. 

 So, the doctor advised that the chances of her having a miscarriage due to amniocentesis was much higher than the chances of the baby having any other problems apart from the club foot which at this point seemed like a isolated physiological issue. That was it! Akshay and Ayesha decided not to look back anymore. Ayesha spent the next few days till her mother-in-law’s departure in training her mind not to think negative thoughts about the baby.

She seemed to slowly slip into denial mode. She refused to talk to anyone, including close friends and her siblings, about this. Only her parents knew. Akshay started to worry about Ayesha and her state of denial towards this reality. So, he took an appointment for them to go see the podiatrist who was a pediatric club foot specialist to understand the mode of treatment.

 The podiatrist was highly experienced and portrayed great confidence in being able to rectify the problem. He explained the possible mode of treatment which he called the ponseti method wherein he would cast the entire right leg for a few weeks. With every cast, which was changed weekly, he would tweak the foot little by little in the right direction. After about six or eight casts, he would nick the Achilles tendon to turn the foot up and place it in the right direction and casting it for three weeks straight; after which the baby would wear shoes joined by the Ponseti bar to keep the correction and avoiding relapse.  

 Ayesha returned home that day full of promise for the future and continued through her pregnancy in a weird state of denial. Lying down in her bed now, she realized that all through she kept hoping for a miracle wherein she hoped the baby would be born without this club foot issue. 

 Ayaan’s wailing jerked Ayesha back to the present moment. She picked him up from her mother’s arms to nurse him and soothe his pain. The doctor had said that it would take him a day or so after each cast to settle down. Ayesha wondered how Ayaan would go through weeks of such pain. Simultaneously, she wondered if she would be able to deal with it too.

 Every day, little things in the routine would prick at Ayesha’s heart and she would tell her husband about it. Akshay, initially did not say anything and heard her out. But, after a while, he started to lose patience and told Ayesha to get over her self-sympathy mode and learn to be happy that their son was getting the best medical attention that was available. Ayesha realized Akshay was right but the sensitive mother in her was still heart-broken.

While mothers of newborns would fret about how to place their babies in the bath tub, Ayesha had to content herself with just sponging him everyday because of the cast. Every week, she dreaded Wednesdays because that was the day to go into the podiatrist’s clinic and have Ayaan’s cast changed. Ayaan would cry so loudly in pain that he would be all red.

 She would hold his hands and bend over and continuously kiss his head to let him know that his mother was right there and would try her best to take away the pain. But Ayesha knew better and it hurt her more that she could do nothing to take away that pain. After the first two casts, the doctor suggested that Ayesha nurse Ayaan while casting so that it would help soothe him. The next three casts were better.

Then came the Wednesday when Ayesha walked into the Podiatrist’s clinic to change Ayaan’s fifth cast. The doctor said that they would need to nick the tendons before they cast the leg again. Ayesha was not prepared for this. Akshay had left for his business trip to India a few days ago as he wanted to be back in time for that surgery which was to be an out-patient process two weeks later.

 But the doctor recommended that it be done now for better results. It was decided that the surgery which would be a 15-minute procedure was to be done 48 hours later on Friday. Ayesha had no choice and cried her heart out to Akshay over the phone that evening. Akshay was devastated himself but held himself together to give Ayesha the strength she needed to go through this.

 At the surgery, Ayesha could not stop crying… but she continuously prayed to God to give Ayaan the strength to take the pain. After the surgery, she cried in the doctor’s arms as she could not contain herself.  For two days after the surgery and casting, Ayaan spent 20 out of 24 hours in Ayesha’s hands crying often in pain and falling asleep for short intervals of time. Slowly he got used to the cast and was finally settled in. Three weeks later, the podiatrist removed the cast… and miraculously, the little foot looked absolutely normal! The doctor was happy with the results and said it was time for the shoes and ponseti bar. Ayesha cried … and this time they were tears of relief and happiness! She thanked the doctor from the bottom of her heart.

 Akshay and Ayesha finally went home that day as happy parents for the first time. Ayesha realized that finally for the first time, she would be able to make Ayaan wear both his socks and he would be able to enjoy a real bath from now on without having to worry about a cast on one of his feet. And will hopefully grow up without any memory of all the pain he endured. Though, she knew she would remember it always.

Post script:Today, Ayaan still wears those shoes with the bar but has so beautifully adapted himself to it that at the age of four-and-a-half months, he is able to roll over on his tummy with shoes, bar and all! Four more weeks and Ayaan will not need to wear these special shoes with the bar except at bedtime until he turns two-years-old. Ayesha thanks God everyday for helping her and the family tide through such a rough time and is hoping her precious little one will be crawling, walking and running soon.

 Amisha Shah is an architect currently based in California, USA. Her other  passions apart from architecture and design include Bharatnatyam and playing the violin.