“There is a sacred space between mindless surrender and cold logic..
I will meet you there.
But wait, first I will meet myself.
Because without me, there cannot be… you. “
**
My take on Rumi and on his absolutely intoxicating philosophy of love that dissolves the walls of the self in the other and becomes that which it longs for. Who doesn’t want that kind of love? The jury is out in the meanwhile on what love is all about. Having survived more than four decades of living, writing, thinking, this is what I have figured. Love is a verb. It is not what you say or hear or take for granted or presume. You live it, act it, to know what it means. Otherwise it is just an impersonal noun, cold around the edges. Not songs though they make you feel they have cracked the mystery open. Not movies because they have neat beginnings, middles and ends and hardly any story in real life is like that. Though going to the movies together may qualify. Anything that you experience second hand is not love. It is just an illusion.
**
Reading Jia Khan’s six page letter about “love” made me wonder, if there is not something terribly wrong with this losing of the self in another especially when the other won’t even lose a night’s sleep over you. A young friend always asks me this, “What does love mean to you?” She is in her twenties. The question is of urgent importance to her.And her idea of love is that it must be taken at face value and jumped into heart first. So what if it is inconvenient. Impossible. Messy. The point I have arrived at is this. Real connections form despite fears, walls, distance, inconvenience and stacked odds. If they don’t, they are not real to start with.
**
Am not advocating being passive but I also know that if there is a door with your name on it, it will open when you knock. Or not. It will open anyway. And will not be slammed shut. I tell my friend often to not second guess someone’s indifference. Because if it was love, it would feel like love. If you are treated like an option, you probably are so why waste your heart on someone who won’t spend a few minutes over a phone call?
**
I have learnt that if something is meant for me, it will find its way to me. Be it in work or life. And this attitude is hard won. I have learnt through many challenges that most things we chase turn out to be of no value. What comes to us naturally and organically lasts because it came on its own without us fretting and fuming. I feel the same way about Unboxed Writers. I cannot market it and sell it and find money making ideas because that is not what I am good at, I know how to write. I will do that and I will connect with the world through that core strength and if opportunities come because of that, great. If they don’t, I will still be a writer!
**
So yes, my definition of ambition is a bit off key. It is about being myself and the same goes for my life. It is not perfect but it is mine and if more gifts of success and maybe love, find their nook in this picture, great..if they don’t..I will keep trying to learn new things, celebrate little breakthroughs, remind myself to be grateful everyday
**
And maybe I will tell my young friend one day what I have finally learnt about love. That every kind of love begins with us..what we love about ourselves. Did Jia Khan love herself? Probably not. If she did, she would not have given so much and settled for so little or thrown away her life for someone who did not love her enough to make her feel loved. As that love for the self increases, the chances are, we will find echoes of it in the world. Our lives will get more sorted, simpler. And it is the hardest thing to learn. To love oneself unconditionally, with flaws, cracks, shadows and laugh lines and frown lines and extra pounds. I am still a student in this area. When I finally master this life skill, love will make complete sense to me.
**Art by author
Reema Moudgil has been writing for magazines and newspapers on art, cinema, issues, architecture and more since 1994, is an RJ, hosts a daily Ghazal show, runs unboxed writers, is the editor of Chicken Soup for The Indian Woman’s soul, the author of Perfect Eight (http://www.flipkart.com/perfect-eight-9380032870/p/itmdf87fpkhszfkb?pid=9789380032870&_l=A0vO9n9FWsBsMJKAKw47rw–&_r=dyRavyz2qKxOF7Yuc ) and an artist.
Beautiful… Love is a verb!!
Reemaji,so apt and so many hometruths.Agree with you that Love is a verb..You live it,you act it!I like the line…anything you experience second hand is not love.Love just happens,it is predestined,Real connections form despite fears, walls,distance,inconvenience and staked odds…this is so profound.
A humble attempt made to understand this phenomenon called love…how it gets its depth…how it is so unconditional(yes real,true love is unconditional.Please read at http://ashaa.sosblogs.com/The-first-blog-b1/May2013-b1-m201305.htm
I take my lessons of love from nature- the trees and the ocean. They teach us so much by being silent sentinels and yet so strong & beautiful and that I what I embrace, tho it is tough, but so very there. Beautifully put Reema. Thank You.
I too am a student in this area. U may write thesis on love n still u may not know love at all. When we ask “did jia khan love herself?”, i counter Q Was jia khan not aware what she was doing? Was she out of her mind? or did she find herself helpless? Yes probable she wd hv found herself helpless. She was very much aware that her relationship is not working well. She wd have tried hundred of times to get out of it and start afresh anew. But she must hv felt deep vacuum, a deep pain while dropping her man who kept rooted in deep realms of her mind or probably her soul. Or probably she was unlucky for not to find a family or frnd who cd bring her out of her mental turmoil.