How does your morning start? Well mine goes something like this – chop, chop, chop, grind, grind, grind. I find myself racing with time to get to the finish line. To pack more things than time can do for me. And little do I realize that my son has been watching me in all my frenzy and hurried attempts at living a life where you’re not done till it’s done.
Like I realized the other day at lunch. How I push my son to finish his bites, not chew food, so we can move on to doing other things. But this time he beat me at it. He was taking unusually long to finish his bites and after my constant coaxing to chew fast he said, “the food is reeeeeeeeeeealllly tasty. Yummmmmmmmmmm!”
I froze. What was I thinking? Why the emphasis on finishing the meal rather than relishing it for its flavours? Why the rush in reaching the destination vs. enjoying the journey?
Yes, I agree. If you think pragmatically, sometimes it’s an inevitable evil to rush certain things so we don’t miss out on the seemingly better / more important things in store for us during the day. But I confess (the no regret woman) that I do regret pushing things too much at times with my child. How will the child learn to be patient if things around him are always spinning around like a top and he’s made to spin along! It’s tough doing it as an adult, let alone expecting a child to be patient – a child who is already going through myriad emotional and physical changes and developments.
Wikipedia defines patience as, “the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.”
It is nonetheless important to make an effort to instill patience as a virtue in your child so they learn to be more calm in the face of difficult situations, learn to wait, are more realistic in their approach, learn to exercise self-discipline and restraint, persevere, and yes, learn to value time.
1. Lead by example: Yes, yes, yes. It all begins with us. Most of a child’s learning happens from observation. So it’s important to keep our calm and deal with situations without exhibiting the rush through clenched fists, increased voice pitch, and any other behavior that could send mixed to wrong signals to a child who may not even be concerned with it. Don’t jump queues in public places or push people around to get your things done. Doing things calmly and with a smile on your face also tells them that you can enjoy your work while at it.
2. A helping hand: Involve them in age-appropriate chores like helping you with the bed, putting things away in their place, sorting toys, etc. that tells them that it takes time to finish things.
3. Through sharing: Teach them how to share their belongings with siblings or friends. Waiting for their turn to play with a toy teaches a lot more than just patience. It not only teaches them to adapt to situations where they have to part with their prized possessions, but also how to pay heed to other’s needs, the magic words of “please,” “thank you,” and “welcome,” and yes, waiting and self-restraint.
4. At play time: Encourage games with multiple players where the children need to wait for their turn. It could be a board game or simply waiting for their turn for that one swing and slide in the park. Even playing with clay dough helps build patience – as you roll the dough, mould it, de-mould it, and then see the final outcome of your efforts, it’s a fruitful wait!
5. Read aloud a book: I can go on and on about the virtues of reading aloud a book. But in the context of this story, reading aloud a book tells the child that things happen and change over a period of time, that you have to wait to turn the page to know what’s happening next, that it takes a beautiful story to reach the end of any book. When you sit and read yourself around the child, there is so much calm in the activity that it only suggests patience, page after page. Give the children a book and ask them to read like you, to not interrupt you unless it’s really urgent, to enjoy reading!
6. Cook together: Yes, cooking needs patience. Involve your child in the process of cooking something step-wise – like a sandwich or even baking cookies. Right from measuring the ingredients, kneading the dough, preparing the oven, loading the oven with the cookies, and waiting for the lovely aroma to fill up the house!
7. Plant a sapling: Plant a seed together and make your child water it every day and watch it grow. This tells them that things don’t only happen overnight – that when you nurture an interest or an activity the outcomes are indeed better.
8. Display intolerance: Many children pull and tug at their parents, scream and shout and even bang their head against things or break things to get their parents attention when they are on the phone or they are not getting what they want immediately. Tell them firmly that it’s not acceptable behavior, that they need to wait till you finish what you’re at – be it talking on the phone, or finishing a chore. Tell them that as soon as you finish what you’re doing you will be at their service.
Acknowledge their efforts at being patient and reward them! Each child is different and you know what works best for your child. Only ensure that you don’t take the lessons of patience too far. Rush to them when they are hurt or crying. Hug them to calm them down for they will do the same when you need comfort. All they need to know is that you are there for them and only you can give them that assurance. Don’t drive it to the level that they become apathetic towards other’s feelings.
Have patience, have patience
Don’t be in such a hurry
When you get impatient
You only start to worry
Remember, remember that God is patient, too
Just think of all the times when others
Have to wait for you!
~ Anonymous
Vaishali Shroff is a freelance writer and editor and runs a reading club (www.eikthirani.wordpress.com) for children in Pune. Her work has been published in over 10 titles of the Chicken Soup India Series and her children’s stories can be read at smories (http://www.smories.com/author/vaishali-shroff/).