A hitherto undiscovered (by the outside world) dialect is in use in the Mumbai local trains. Everybody knows what Bambaiya is all about. The  patli-galli, futle routine has been featured time and again in endless Bollywood sagas. But this ‘local language’ is still an enigma.

 Let me try and explain the intricacies.

The first and most often heard word is ‘Pressure’. Pronounced as: Prey-Shurr.

 Sentence: I am getting pressure from outside

Meaning: The train is crowded and you will be squashed.

 Sentence: My backside is on pressure.

Meaning: Contrary to the constipated images that pop-up; it only means, I am being squashed… how dare you complain of a little bump you lily-livered fancy smelling smut?

Sentence: There is pressure on all sides | Everywhere pressure is there.

Meaning: We are all going to be squashed.

 Sentence: Give pressure to her | Pressure her.

Meaning: Squash her.

 Sentence: Give me pressure | Pressure me.

Meaning: No, the user does not want to be a steamed idli. All the samaritan means is one is free to squash her in order to make way to the door. I must add that this is a very rarely used sentence

Train samaritans are rarer still

 Sentence: Pressure is coming.

Meaning: Watch out where you are going or I will squash you.

Sentence: So much pressure is coming.

Meaning: I am a new traveller and I think you are all marauding Mongols who are out to squash me.

 Next week: “There is something pointy in your bag…”

Uma Iyer is a writer, a mother and a freelance consultant for marketing communication to several organisations. She was raised in Mumbai and currently lives in Delhi. Her retirement plan includes two dogs, many books and a shack by the sea.