“The divorce is final. Congrats.”

She flinched inwardly, “Congrats… for what? For being separated forever from someone I was to share a forever with?”

Tears welled up once again despite the wish to remain strong and unperturbed. She looked at him standing a few feet apart with his lawyer. He looked back at her. The same emptiness in his eyes. The acceptance of the situation grappled with emotions and she welled up again. Was this a horrible dream, she would wake up from? Why and how did we reach this stage?

He did not want her to be a part of his life anymore and she did not want his wish to remain unfulfilled. A cordial handshake with good wishes for future sealed the final goodbye. The scream of, “don’t go, don’t leave me” was strangled.

He was distraught. She was ingrained in his soul and everything he was. But she was unable to see it. Who would take the blame? He? She? Both of them? His hands so used to her touch had to be disciplined to a mere handshake, lest they crush hers in the desperation to hold on forever. Was she aware of his turmoil? He had seen the mask slipping from her face when she looked at him. Yes, there was emptiness. For the first time in a long time, the emotions were mutually reciprocated. But it was too late. Too late. 

When did the cracks start to appear? She had unwittingly assigned to him the burden of being her protector, her caretaker who would fill that one space in her life which no one had till now.
 
She had overwhelmed him with expectations that no one can fulfill in a life time. She wanted all the comfort and love he could offer expressed completely to the last drop so she could bask in them and feel secure after being unloved and uncared for, all her life. But he was not a vocal person; instead he was content to let his actions speak for his love, not realizing how those actions may in turn be interpreted.  He was shocked when his attempts to let her have the freedom of choice were mistaken for disinterest; his trust in her at times mistaken for an uncaring attitude.  
 
Both were aware of the widening gaps and yet helplessly watched as the lack of communication led to misunderstandings, fractured conversations, weeping silences. He withdraw and she silently punished him for the crimes he had not committed; he reciprocated by finding a temporary emotional solace in another.
Both still in love but lost in a rubble of unfulfilled expectations and hurt and confusion. She wanted to be his entire world, but came to believe that his world was already full of another. Never had any other rejection hurt her so. Time was caught in a limbo till the unequivocal conclusion was drawn. They had to part.
 
Today amid the tempest of pain, memories rained. Reminding him of an evening he thought he had forgotten. 
 
She had been watching TV. He knew it was her favorite show. Ally McBeal.  A story about unfulfilled love and unfinished relationships. She had invited him with her eyes to share some time with her; unsure about his acceptance. He had silently welcomed the gesture in an attempt to hold on to shifting sands. A song had begun to play.
And it could have been their song. 
 
Now, walking away from her, he remembered some snatches, 
“If you see me walking the road with someone else..its because you’re not brave enough to walk beside me..
 
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
I too don’t know where the road is going..

Don’t let me walk with her
It’s you I want to walk with. Don’t let me talk of her..                
It’s you I want to talk with. Don’t let me fall for her
It’s you I want to fall in love with. Again and again.”

 Would she answer?

 Would she say, “When you thought I wasn’t brave enough to walk beside you, I was behind you every step of the way.
When you thought I wasn’t there to catch you…
It was because you never gave me the chance
You never reached the bottom, you’ve already grabbed a branch.”

The sun was out now. The tempest within had subsided. The rain had washed away the doubts and a fragile bud of hope stirred to life.

 He stopped and turned back. He would win her heart back.

 She stopped too and turned to see him walking towards her. 

She smiled. She knew with sudden clarity that they were going to fall in love again. And then again. 

 Manasi Sawant is a lawyer by profession, a language enthusiast by choice, an amateur writer by passion and a wife and mother by destiny.

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