Freedom. That ‘apparently’ ever elusive feeling that many of us are after. All our lives we think, feel or believe that someone or something is constantly taking it away or keeping it away from us. That it is controlled externally, and we have to fight for it. Usually, it is our parents who we blame for restricting our freedom. As someone in the late 20s, I also know that many of us, shy away from commitment in the name of freedom – fearing that it will be taken away from us.
Personally too, I have had my share of ‘struggle’ too and can proudly say that I ‘emerged victorious’, according to my personal standards. From having over-possessive, micro-managing and hyper-afraid parents hovering over me, to living in a different city, in my own (although rented) home, with the support of my parents – now at least I consider that as an achievement! But the real journey of freedom, started after I shifted to my own place. And I experienced a range of emotions, behaviour and disappointments. And a few insights to get me past them.
1) The paradox of freedom is that the more you have of it, the less you feel you actually have it. It is also similar to the paradox of too much choice, that can completely paralyze you to a point where two things happen – either you are just not able to make a choice, or if you do make one, you are just never satisfied and worry about whether you made the right choice.
2) Freedom lies in depth, not breadth – to go deeper, is freedom. Shallowness is limiting.
3) Many of us desire freedom so much, that when it appears, we push it away – because it could challenge our sense of importance, belonging and sense of being needed. We then, miss being and feeling controlled or responsible.
4) Freedom in excess can also be demotivating – no responsibilities, no loans, no obligations, no guilt, no expectations, no commitments – really, why would we feel the need to live, and work, then? Devastating.
5) Men (and many women) fear losing their freedom, when they commit to a marriage or relationship – but the truth is that most of us (not all) love the dependency. We love feeling answerable and responsible. I sometimes feel, men purposely do things to ensure that the women pester them!
6) I remember reading this in one of my favourite books, and it talked about how when we have everything going for us, and see that life has been great, we unconsciously find ways to punish ourselves, out of guilt. So we create drama and experiences that threaten ideas and values we cherish dearly. So freedom and its rewards are not always taken at face value by those who need them most.
However, as much as I love being free, I realize that true freedom is to feel free even as you are living among limitations.
True freedom is about feeling safe. It is about feeling free in our mind, feeling free to be ourselves 100 per cent and not being afraid of the world or losing out on the people we love… and true freedom is about being free to love, without needing validation or appreciation!
True freedom is about building relationships, that support and encourage us to be ourselves, and live our truth, and help others live their truth too! In other words, freedom is not really about being single with no attachments, or being free to do what you want when you want it. It is about being connected. By choice.
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Sindhu Ramachandran is an engineer but with a passion for people and learning, found her calling in the domains of human behaviour and connection. What followed is an eight-year research into ‘Intentions of Human Behaviour’ which has now morphed into a project called “Simplifying Life!” Deeply spiritual in her outlook, she is an avid reader, an amateur documentary-film maker and very interested in mystical sciences, besides dabbling in writing when inspired by the environment around her!