The December 16 horror leaves me feeling helpless beyond words.
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I am an average woman, piecing together my life, bringing up two kids, running a family, supporting a busy spouse, trying to craft out a career and busy trying to realize all my hopes and aspirations. Suddenly the news of the death of a 23-year-old woman shatters my frame of mind. It shocks and saddens me even if I don’t want to be. I want to treat this as just another piece of news and move on to my never-ending list of things to do. Yet I can’t.
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More than 15 years ago, I was a student in Delhi. Studying in a women’s college, travelling by DTC buses and making the most of life. I have been groped, touched, solicited by seedy, uncouth characters just as thousands of women have been in buses and public spaces. I have been conditioned to ignore these incidents and carry on. Despite that, I can’t forget the indignation, disgust and sense of violation I had felt then. Can’t imagine then, what this anonymous braveheart would have gone through that night. Had the incident been less severe, she too would have been urged to forget and carry on. Why? Why forget and carry on ? Why ignore these acts? I couldn’t do anything then and I can’t do anything now or can I and do I want to?
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Here I am, a 30-something, many light -years and mind- years away from that Delhi student I once was and desperately trying to carry on with my picture perfect Facebook life. But something inside is not allowing me to pretend it is all fine. Till now..in my everyday normal life, I needed to bring up my kids well, take them to classes, go to work, have fun with friends, lose weight, look pretty, have new experiences. This is really a matter beyond my control. Can’t I just let it go ? Perhaps not. Not this time. Someone inside from a long time back is asking me to take some action. Not in some flash-in-a-pan way but in a more solid, long term real way. Hence, I ask myself again …what is it that I can do?
Hence my new To-Do list..
- Sensitise my kids : This is the most important – the most difficult and delicate perhaps. Sensitize them, not in a general way but in a deliberate specific dialogue at the right time, in the right way. To explain to my daughter in the right context the reality of ‘rape,’ equip her with tools which will help her protect herself and most of all give her the conviction to raise her voice if someone violates her in any way, ever. To bring up a son who will look at women with all the respect and dignity they deserve, with the hope that he never shies away from helping out a woman who may need help. To bring up children who have respect for others.
- Fight back: Make sure both my kids are physically well- trained in some form of self -defense. In that, they should be able to help themselves and hopefully someone else someday, if the situation demands.
- Volunteer: Support a women’s or girl child initiative. I will, in my best possible capacity, work for a girl child/women’s initiative outside the scope of my professional interests. And hope that something that I do will be able to restore self-esteem to someone in some measure, who has not been so fortunate in life.
- Respond: I will not let “Apathetic-me” get the better of “Responsive- me.” I don’t want to say,”It happens all the time” or let a three or four day feeling of deep reflection move me and then trickle away to make way for the next big thing. No. I will Speak Out. Respond. Reach out. And I won’t forget to keep this list alive and ticking.
There are many issues that need to be set right. I understand that I cannot make a huge difference to all of them. But at this moment, someone inside me who has felt humiliated and violated as a woman, even if for a few moments in time, wants me to do something, anything. It will not change laws, policies or the judiciary but a few people will be impacted because of something I will do. Maybe if we all did a little bit, it would add up….
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Nandini Das Ghoshal is the co-founder of Insights & More, a consumer insights boutique based out of Singapore. A Economics graduate and MBA by training, she has worn several hats in her career – as a marketeer, a consultant, a case writer and now she follows her passion of combining entrepreneurship with studying consumers at a deeper level for better business decisions. She loves to write – mostly related to her work but also on current trends and issues. She is also a proud mother of two.