Standing in the checkout-line at a supermarket, I saw an ad for a weight-loss clinic go up on screen. It started with ”Ladies, do you HATE looking at yourself in the mirror? Do you want to be a page three yummy-mummy?” in bold letters with a blaring commentary to match. This was followed by a comical animated figure of a woman trying to squeeze into a pair of slacks (all of us get the picture!). Every woman looking at the ad did this “let-me-check-out-my-neighbor” thing through the corner of her eye towards the next woman.
Needless to say, no page three mom ever hauls in her own shopping, and we had no paragon to compare ourselves to, in the flesh. But, every woman there, conditioned by years of incessant media hype, did a mental checklist, found herself a little lacking and felt a moment of self-doubt.
So what /who exactly is a yummy-mummy?
The term ‘yummy-mummy’ was coined by the press for mothers (I quote), “ who appear to quickly regain their pre-pregnancy figures (e.g. Victoria Beckham, Liz Hurley et al) after giving birth, and would continue to lead carefree and affluent lifestyles.”
What ’s wrong with looking yummy?
There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to look good. None of us wants to walk around looking like barely-groomed frumps. We live in a world where appearances matter and all of us (this writer included) want to be admired for our appearance. But having said that, a mummy is simply someone who is trying to be a good mother.
The prefix “yummy” is rather derogatory to women when used with mummy (rather like the connect of the word ‘item’ when used with girl to form item-girl).
More importantly, in our efforts to look better, are we blindly going where the media hype is leading us. Wanting to age gracefully is a personal choice, but are we exercising that choice or been brainwashed into following the herd?
Media hype -the genesis of the herd mentality
Beautifying aging women is a 250 billion dollar industry. Whether it is smoothening wrinkles or trimming waistlines, the bottom line is a bulging wallet. To lure their prey (us!!!), we are bombarded with ads of teenaged PYTs masquerading as mothers, where they claim to be 10 years older and attribute their “youthful looks” to the said product. Hoardings of air-brushed photos of divas peddling creams, soaps and what have you, look down at us at every street-corner promising youthful looks. If one were naïve enough to believe the hype, it would seem that these women had merely ducked behind a nearby bramble bush and emerged slim and glowing with a swaddled infant in their arms, pregnancy a mere blip on their personal radar…
What is this doing to US- the common moms (COM-MOMS)?
COM-MOMS are all women and mothers who nurture their children, manage a household, pamper their husbands, pander to their in-laws, bargain with the grocer, cook for hungry guests, dress up to the nines when the occasion demands it and prove their talent at the workplace in myriad ways, everyday. Nevertheless, in their own minds they need to pass a faux litmus test set to a mythical standard.
How easy is it to become a yummy-mummy?
Let’s make a check-list. First and foremost, the internet, print media, do-it-yourself books and practically every mushroomed-overnight-clinic advocates drinking three (or is it four) liters of water everyday and eight to 10 hours of beauty sleep (wow !). This is followed by a plethora of oils and creams with ingredients ranging from algae, honey, berries, placenta ( yuck) each of which is more expensive than the last. Let’s not forget the eclectic diets that would need a super-cook to make (and a saint to adhere to) and feeding schedule more frequent than a new-born baby’s. Add a personal trainer’s schedule to this mix and you have about 25 hours of the day accounted for!.
Can one apply this to normal life?
Picture this – a working woman, traveling to work by public transport having guzzled water by the glassfuls. In this public-toilet-deficient country, where and when would she rush to attend nature’s call? Or even a homemaker mom with her baby tugging at her skirts, would she find the time to drink the water needed to “flush out her toxins”? Would she ignore the crack-of-dawn alarm to complete her “Beauty-sleep” and throw her personal and professional life into chaos? Would she deal with diaper-rash at the same time as she rubs anti-stretch oil on her tummy? When her maid has bunked, will her manicured hands withstand being subjected to dirty dish-water? Will she overspend to get that latest anti-wrinkle cream? If the best of creams fail to bolster up sagging skin of her neck and smoothen her crowfeet, will her self-confidence also sag? If the latest toners do not prevent parts of her body from heading southwards, will she fear the mirror?
There are reports of mothers who having failed to emulate these yummy-mummies feel depressed at the ‘saggy’ feel of their body and end up having serious self-esteem issues.
As a doctor, mother and woman, I have come across countless examples of women who felt they were ‘not perfect’ in some or the other.
What is the reality?
The fact is that there is only so much that these measures can achieve. The effects of genetics, body-type, metabolism, hormones or aging are almost never mentioned as also the ill-effects of badly-planned diets and treatments. Hardly a month goes by without a news report of botched-up beauty treatments at some barely-authenticated clinic.
Admiring these mummies is a far cry from emulating them slavishly. None of these yummy ladies admits to the extensive body-sculpting surgeries they undergo which require them to disappear for weeks of “vacation”, while recovering from effects of their ‘treatments’. But I have yet to see the middle-class household, which will hold up to 48 hours without mom! If celeb-moms are exhausted after days of detox, they have an army of help which swings into action at home to fill in for all the mundane chores.
Regular mothers have few of these resources at their disposal, but have all the attendant angst of being expected to look good.
There is a sea of difference between eating healthy, being well-groomed and keeping fit on the one hand and feeling inferior to beautiful, page three women on the other.
Do we ever believe the local vegetable vendor when he claims that all the veggies are fresh? We inspect, feel, compare, scrutinize everything before we buy whatever suits our requirement down to the last tomato and then we put it on our family’s plate. Let us approach the tall (and thin!) claims of the yummy-mummies with the same caution, before we subject ourselves to any bizarre treatments. Let us concentrate on remaining fit rather than just looking yummy. Lastly, let us choose the treatments that suit our lifestyle and us.
If COM-MOMs can deal with being a mom and do such a good job, then dealing with wrinkles, muffin tops and cellulite are surely no biggie. We can prioritize and tackle them if and when we ever decide to.
We may slim down, change our hairstyle, dress trendily, but let us not idolize a page three mom for that. While we lose inches on the yoga-mat, we should inch closer to a zen-like resistance to the hype around us.
COM-MOMs should remember that obsession with our size and looks might give rise to our daughters being anorexic. So let us be fit and responsible rather than just yummy.
Ujwala Shenoy Karmarkar is a practicing Anaesthesiologist working in Mumbai. She loves conversations, meeting people, reading and listening to Hindi film songs. She writes about anything that moves her.