I’ve often wondered why articles on break ups strongly advise heart-broken women to rush to a hairdresser. Can a new hairstyle really wash that man right out of your hair? Or are those advice columnists suggesting that the sod left you because your hairdo was atrocious? Ridiculous! It’s far better to organise a night out with the girls with male-bashing as the main agenda- that rates pretty high on my morale-booster list. Here are a few more practical suggestions for the dumped and down-hearted.

1.     Don’t stop the private crying- it clears your sinus better than fiery mulligatawny soup (see, you actually will feel better without him!). Better still, if you glance at your distorted tearful face in the mirror, you will truly hate him for making you look like a female version of Frankenstein’s monster.

2.     Do destroy all photographs, cards, etc and, more importantly, give those darn stuffed toys away to an orphanage. Why did he give them to you in the first place- he thought you were retarded? Tsk, you should have dumped him at the very first teddy bear!

3.     Get a hobby (stalking him is not a hobby). Kickboxing is good, and it may come in handy the next time you meet the sod.

4.     Visualise him with someone else instead of imagining a bitter sweet reunion. Trust me, you’ll rush to the loo the next time you happen to chance upon him- not to weep but to gag!

5.     Do not imagine that this is the end of your life- you may have more creeps to go through (sorry, but that appears to be God’s plan for womankind) so get savvy now!

Note: If you do take up kickboxing, aim below the belt. That way, you’ll have the satisfaction of making him cry too!