I’ve been losing my footing. It’s like someone or something has loosened up the hardened clay around my root system. Like some unseen force of nature is trying to uproot me. Take me out of my comfort zone and catapult me into the unknown. And I most definitely don’t like it. I haven’t moved much most of my life. I was born and raised in the same city. It was only when I got married that I had to move. And it was no small move. I had to move halfway across the globe. I didn’t do it very gracefully. I dug my heels in the ground, threw tantrums and blamed it all on incompatibility. When actually I was just homesick. It was also my resistance to change.
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I would most definitely have loved to have grown old and died in Chennai! But in retrospect I had wonderful experiences. Experiences that made me what I am today. So many wonders and beauty I would have missed had I stayed put. Yes, it ain’t fun to be uprooted and it ain’t fun to move from tropical sunshine to four seasoned splendor. But the richness that move added to my life.. I cannot even put into words.
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I can smell it. It’s the smell of change but something bigger. To embrace the change we have to sail into the dark and mysterious waters that are churning up surprises for us. So imagine you are one of those people who have been uprooted and thrown into a boat drifting in the vast ocean. What do you do when the churning ocean gets vicious, violent and stormy? You drop your anchor. I think everyone has an anchor. That something in your life that helps you get out of bed every morning. Brings a smile to your face. Keeps you energized. Keeps you going. For me it’s my kids. For others it’s their spouse. Their life purpose. Or their job.
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I still remember the day after my grandmother died. I felt like I could not go on with my life. But I had to. I had to pull myself together for my kids. Be strong for them. Be there or them. Not as an emotional mess but as their mom. It was ‘Super Flame’, the gas agency that kept my grandma going. She faced insurmountable obstacles in her life but would wake up every day ready to go to work, ready to tackle whatever life threw at her.
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Some anchors are not so obvious. Like prayer and a connection with a power larger than us. When you stand battered and the stormy seas swirl around you, you get recharged. An invisible force eggs you on when all you want to do is crumble. When I started blogging I had no idea what I was doing. How would I come up with ideas? Would anyone even want to read what I had to say? I had no clue. I just plunged in and hoped to stay afloat. I have stayed afloat for nine months. When I get tired of swimming against the tide or I feel like I’m going to drown someone throws me a life jacket! So I know I need to keep going.
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Why is nine months such an important milestone you ask? Because it takes nine months from conception to birth. I feel the time has come to creatively birth something new into the world. Something I have never done before and something I have not dared to do before. My fear of sinking overpowers me but I will have to ‘abandon the ship of fear’ and surrender to the process of creativity.
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Many of you may be feeling the same. Like your whole foundation is being shaken up. I urge you to trust the process. Being rudely uprooted and transplanted elsewhere may not be what you want but it sure will open up infinite possibilities for you. Stay open to change and see the myriad ways your life could be enhanced. Just trust and take a chance. Believe me it’s easier than digging your heels, gritting your teeth and staying put!
We are in this together. So have no fear.
Damayanti Chandrasekhar lives in Florida with her husband and two children, loves yoga, baking and the Tao. She has a Masters degree in Journalism and currently volunteers at the local public school. Her other interests include reading, travelling and playing agony aunt via her blog www.punctuatelife.com.