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I Will Pay You For This Tweet

tweetPeople, I have a problem. I have a #blisteronmyfoot. It is red, raw and painful. So I am taking it very seriously. These are the steps I have taken since today morning when I discovered it :

1. I have posted a mirror selfie of me resting on my bed with my foot up on the pillows. Of course, I have made sure that the new yellow bedcover is spread properly and the pillows look fluffy, not their usual limp knotty self. And yes, there’s that new Chumbak mug by my bedside and I am wearing a pretty pink pajama with a carefully managed bedhead look. So I am done posting this pic (took me half an hour to get a perfect shot, but totally worth it) on my Facebook and Instagram. I have already received some ‘Aww, take care..’ messages. Waiting for more throughout the day!

2. On all the mommy and health forums, I have posted a close-up shot of the #blisteronmyfoot. I am not a fool to post some pretty picture of me there; what works there is a disgusting looking mugshot of the offending blister. And that works like a charm! I have a good traffic going there.

3. I have also posted the update in assorted Whatsapp groups and already my thumb is sore replying to the messages -I suspect the sore thumb is trying to develop a blister of its own to get some attention.

4. In-between all this action, my dear family tried to draw my attention to the fact that I could be very well up on my feet with some soothing gel on the blister and maybe if required, even visit a doctor. But that is so lame and so last decade! I mean we live in the social media era!

5. I have had a skype call with my mother and Facetime with my best friend down the corridor. They have examined the blister and made satisfyingly soothing noises.

So with all this, I am set for the next stage in treating the #blisteronmyfoot. Where I need your help people, is – I need all of you to tweet with this hashtag #blisteronmyfoot. Come on, let’s get it to trend my good friends! And here comes the most irresistible offer for you – I AM WILLING TO PAY FOR EVERY TWEET with #Blisteronmyfoot. Now who would have thought you could make such easy money, right?

But well, if a big company going for an IPO can do it, why not me? Hah, just because I am a nobody, doesn’t mean I can’t care about the #theblisteronmyfoot! I do care and I am sure you do too. So here is the plan:

1. Let’s all tweet with #blisteronmyfoot and get it to trend. I will pay for each tweet.

2. Meanwhile, I am investing in some Facebook ads to buy about 10000 likes.

3. Once this gathers sufficient momentum, I am going to invite every blister-cream and blister-plaster making company to bid for my next blog article. They all invest in “Brand Solutions” paying bloggers like you and me to talk about them, right? So let’s see who bids the highest and naturally their cream and plaster must be the best!

4. Of course during all this, I shall not forget to start a campaign on all crowd-funding platforms.

5. I am just hoping that in due course, with all of you backing me, I will be invited to that famous TV show too because the nation will want to know what happened to the #blisteronmyfoot!

6. And let’s not even start dreaming about the thousand appearances I hope to make on various other platforms about my  battle with the #blisteronmyfoot and the subsequent omni-channel following, maybe even a book and a movie contract?

7. Well, just between you and me, the end game is to be seen as a thought leader in the blister treatment space. It is a huge market opportunity you know! The addressable market size is very large and no one else has given it such visibility.

So all I ask of you my good friends, is to start tweeting and posting with #blisteronmyfoot. If companies can do it, why not us customers?

The only sad part is I actually don’t mind my blister. It is out in the open saying – I am here, red, raw, painful but this is who I am – and then I get to decide what I want to do with it. It is definitely better than having a tumor growing surreptitiously inside. That is why I like advertisements. Companies pay for them openly and I know they are advertisements. I know essentially it is us who are being charged for it.

But I don’t mind because I need to get to know about the product. What I hate is when they do not tell me that it is an advertisement. I read tweets and blogs by common people like you and me thinking that these are unbiased opinions and real experiences. I feel cheated when I discover that it was just paid media. And I am being charged as a customer to feel cheated! I am just an average working class citizen. I try making sense of the world around me by reading and watching the media in-between my average housewife’s day of trying to make ends meet, getting my children to pass CBSE Math and catching the trickle of water and sparkle of electricity in the short moments of their availability.

But I digress. All I care about is the #blisteronmyfoot. And did I mention – stay tuned for my next article temptingly titled “10 ways to kiss your painful blister away in a minute!”

Vrunda Bansode co-founded Cloud Mentor – an experiential hands-on education platform fostering inventiveness and entrepreneurship among children. She is a back-to-work mom, having taken a 10-year long break to raise her children. Prior to that she has worked at Robert Bosch as well as done varied assignments on media and marketing related projects.  At present, she divides her time between Cloud Mentor, consulting and writing – her articles have been published on various platforms including YourStory, Huffington Post and Womensweb.

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