To Love. To lose. And to never love again is a sickening feeling. She had trusted herself, built a wall around her nobody would penetrate, yet it had happened. Probably one sided as she did not know his feelings for her. He said he loved her ….as a friend. An afterthought she would have never added. He repeated that he loved her as a friend, playing safe. Do friends look at each other the way they do? They share something…something beyond friendship. She can’t put a finger on…probably loneliness.
She wanted to say she loved him too without any inhibitions. Just like that. She does not want to know what will happen, does not want commitments, wants nothing except love and to love him but instead the only words that came out of her mouth were, “It’s ok.. we are friends.”
They want to meet but won’t; always expecting the other person to make the first move. Life will just pass but this regret of what could have been will linger.
Why are we so complicated, messed up in our hearts and heads? Why can’t we just express our feelings? Why are we so scared? Always running, hiding from our wretched selves? Not satisfied with what we have..always wanting more out of life..always wanting….till we are enveloped in darkness.
He is the ghost she keeps having conversations with…day in and day out. Sharing her feelings, thoughts, just talking about anything and everything but yet won’t call him. That’s his space. She would not intrude. He used to call only in the nights or early mornings or not at all. Now he does not at all. Why is he like this? What’s troubling him so much? Broken relationships, society, or the same feeling of not wanting to get hurt? He would speak to her at night but during the day she did not exist for him. Does she not exist for him?
Why? Why is he like this? Messed up just like her? She hears a song. This one is for him.
“Aoge jab tum o saajna..angna phool khilenge..
barsega sawan..jhoom jhoom ke..do dil aise milenge.”
When you arrive my love, the flowers will bloom..
the clouds will burst with joy..and two hearts will blur into one.
Munira Diwan has been an advertising professional for the past 15 years. She has done a film direction course from Digital Academy and has made a 10 minute short film called Thing called Love. She loves dabbling in arts and believes that creativity is her forte. She loves reading, writing, painting and listening to music and of course making short films.