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29 days have gone by since New Year’s Day yet nothing has changed. Resolutions etched in my mind, resemble the carvings I once made on tree barks and old walls, hoping they would remain there forever, but they were seldom noticed, or then just wore off.
I’m not a big fan of resolutions, it’s difficult enough to stick to a schedule and then to incorporate a new life style all together but this year I decided that maybe I should give it a try, maybe it really works and instead of acting like the frog in the well, I should give it a chance . “Another New Year”, my head told me, another year which will go in fretting over problems, crying over losses, confusion over the future, an undecided career and right there and then my resolutions fell flat on their face.
I began my New Year being upset and tired of life and it would seem so unfair to complain inspite of all that I have but I can’t stop myself from wishing for that extra bit and for thinking that I would be so much more happier if I had it. It’s like when you finish a hearty meal and the host says “oh, wait up, there’s dessert coming,” so you mentally prepare yourself for the dessert, only to find out later that the dessert is not coming.
Sometimes I feel as though I’m a lone sailor in the sea, with no compass, no maps, sailing according to the rhythm of the sea, but I so badly want to take the wheels in my hands, and steer my boat towards the place I want to be at. I don’t mind being a Columbus, who mistook America for India at least he got somewhere and did not lead his life in vain. All I want to do is to make a tiny niche for myself, so that as the years go by and I look back, I don’t see disappointments, lost opportunities and regrets.
My New Year’s Resolution wasn’t to lose weight, or work harder, or be kind (seriously?? People make such resolutions?). All I wanted was the strength to follow my dreams, and the perseverance to stick to them, sadly that hasn’t happened in the last few days.
So here I am sailing away from my resolutions, because I don’t want these qualities just for a year, I want them for life. I want to wake up every day wanting to wake up, and not cover myself under the blanket. I want to explore the world as though it’s my last chance to ever do so, I want to see people smile, just because it makes them happy, I want to do all this without the fear of falling down and being held back. 2014 wish me luck!
PS: I hope you all had a wonderful New Year and will continue to fulfil all your dreams.
Sandra is a student, an amateur writer, reader, dreamer, shopaholic and the list goes on and on. She loves long walks on the beach and waking up to a wonderful breakfast, visiting new places and meeting new people. In short she likes every thing in life that is not black and white. Admires people who lead their life differently,who look beyond the obvious and seek to live their life according to their convictions, at their own pace and in own their time. She blogs at http://www.fortheperfectionistinme.blogspot.in/